The Neighborly Cow

Dani Renee

1743, Isle of Mull – Scotland 

Dear Neighbor, 

It has come to my attention that your cow is on my property. I had hoped it would stay on its own land. On the proper side of the fence, the one I put up. I still have yet to receive payment for said fence. 

I am currently sitting at my library desk peeking out the window upon the blasted cow as I pen these words. The creature’s nose is pressed to the glass, fogging it up and leaving smears of green. 

Please come and remove said cow as soon as you can find the time to walk the brief jaunt between our properties. 


Your neighbor. The one with a cow licking his window.

Dear Neighbor, 

I am currently unable to trot across the glen to your manor, so I am sending this letter instead. It will not solve the issue of my cow, but worry not, he will find his way back. He always does. Duncan comes from a long line of proud highlander cows. You should treat him with more respect, sir. 

As for the licking of your window, perhaps they are dirty. Did you check for bits of grass clinging to them? Duncan is fond of his greenery. 

If you are reading this, you will see I sent my wee brother, Jamie, in my stead. I hope your day improves. 


Your neighbor who doesn’t mind roaming cows. 

Dear Neighbor, 

Thank you for sending your reply, but your cow is standing in front of my door and will not budge. It forced me to climb out of the library window. That ended in a tangle with the rose bush underneath. I hope you realize what a hazard this cow has become. 

Your brother was little help in removing it. Typically, a three-year-old laddie is not much help in the way of removing massive farm beasts. Especially ones with a stubborn nature. I do wonder if he takes after his owner.

I ask you once more. Please remove this beast. I have a book to write and I am rather distracted by your bampot of a cow, who is beating his head against my front door like he’s a regular house guest waiting for entry. 


Would love to be a cowless neighbor. 

Dear Neighbor, 

I will make my way there this afternoon. I will have you know, my brother is a sturdy lad for six. 

You mentioned writing a book. Are you a writer? Have I read any of them or are they pure drivel? I can think of nothing else since you mentioned it in your last letter. Though, I would think for someone who writes for a living, your letters would have more of a poetic nature. 

 If you give Duncan a big push in his middle, he will gladly move whichever direction you would like. He is the sweetest cow. Please do not make him sad by pushing him away too far. 

I am sorry to hear about your tangle with the rosebush. I will bring salve with me. It is sure to put you in a better mood. 


Your neighbor who loves reading. 

P.S. What type of books do you write again?

Dear Neighbor, 

Are you certain you cannot arrive until this afternoon? It is only eight in the morning and I have a full day of work to accomplish. This cow of yours is taking up all my time. 

I do write for a living and that is all you need to know about the subject. No, that does not mean my letters will contain poetry. 

I do not need any salve for a rose bush scrape. I am a man who has fought in wars. I believe I can handle a minor cut. 


The non-poetic letter writer. 

Dear Neighbor,  

I am certain you are a man who handles wounds well, but that does not mean you should leave them untreated. Yesterday I had a fight with a rose bush myself and found it rather upsetting. 

Since you refuse to tell me what you write, I am certain you must be the new romance writer who recently moved to Mull. I have swooned over your book for days. You described the loch as if it were alive. Poetic. The hero was simply my favorite. 


Your eager neighbor who has many questions about your book. 

P.S. Is the hero based after you? 

P.P.S. He must be, for he was so real. 

P.P.P.S. I will be right over. 

Dear Neighbor, 

How could you possibly know that was I? No one knows my identity and I would rather keep it at that. 

I have become more acquainted with your cow this morn. Apparently, he has a fondness for tea as he drank my cup entirely. I suppose he grows on a person after a while. 

I look forward to your arriving and taking him away. 


Your neighbor who just let a cow drink his tea. 

P.S. Perhaps we can discuss my books when you pick up your cow. 

P.P.S. Did you truly enjoy the hero?

Dear Cameron, 

Thank you for keeping Duncan company yesterday while I ran to the market. Can you believe it has been a month since he first made his way onto your property?

To think I would come to know the new recluse of a neighbor who pens words all day. 

I suspect your next novel will be a success, but do you think the world is ready for a story about two neighbors who started courting after her cow ran away? 

I will be over later to get Duncan. It appears he has escaped again. 

Yours truly and forever, 

Maggie  – Your soon to be wife and proud cow owner. 

P.S. See you soon, my love. 

P.P.S. Aren’t you glad my cow licked your window? 

P.P.P.S. I have the bouquet for the wedding and I saved a few sprigs for Duncan to wear. 

Dani Renee
Dani Renee is a historical fiction enthusiast, outdoor wanderer, lover of Scotland, and teller of stories. When pen meets paper, daring heroines, quirky characters, and adventure-seeking tales unfold. If she isn’t reading or writing, she can be found on a local stage in the latest play that has caught her fancy.

You may connect with Dani at Instagram or Facebook.